The NeverDo List
by iTravel
Summary: 0.1 If you bring drunken members of Team 7 to your apartment while there is a half-naked man sitting in your bed, chances are... there will be bloodshed.


**This came to me while I was trying to fall asleep last night lol. **

**I don't own Naruto.**

**Enjoy.**

**Ages : Team Seven is 20, Neji 21, Kakashi 34.**

**OOOOO**

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"This is why I never spar with you, you—impenetrable-shield-using _bastard!_"

Sakura sprang from the ground and dodged to her left, just as a few kunai landed with a _thud_ where her body had been moments before.

Gathering herself, she crouched into a defensive position once more, getting ready for a taijustu battle.

"It's an absolute defense, Sakura. Maybe you should think of a way to defeat it." He was crouched a few feet in front of her, his tone meant to egg her on.

She kept her eyes trained on his face, trying desperately to ignore the way beads of sweat were running down his chest, and the way his hair had fallen over his shoulders.

"Something _wrong_, Sakura?" He asked with a smirk, knowing full well that she was distracted.

She summoned a large amount of chakra to her hands, and stood a little straighter, an identical smirk on her face.

"Nope. Just imagining the look on your face when I kick your ass."

His smirk grew more prominent. "Those are big words for a girl who has yet to beat me."

Her smirk grew into a maniacal grin. Drawing out a handful of kunai, she extended her arms behind her, getting ready to throw them all at once—

And fully expecting to miss.

Neji raised a brow. "Surely you don't expect to beat me by such an obvious move?"

"We'll see."

And she let them fly.

XXXXX

"Do you know what today is, teme?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes and somehow managed to force back a sigh. "It's Thursday."

"Yes, but do you know what that _means?_" Naruto winked suggestively.

"Don't wink at me, idiot. And how could I _not_ know what that means?"

Naruto stood straighter and lowered his shuriken. "Why are you so pissy today, teme? Is it that time of the month?"

This time, Sasuke did sigh. "Why can't you just trust me when I tell you that I'm _not_ gay?"

Naruto grinned. "Because you have yet to prove otherwise."

"How would you like me to—" He stopped short, knowing exactly what Naruto's answer would be. "Don't answer that."

Naruto rolled his eyes. "I don't know why you do this to yourself."

"What are you talking about, dobe?"

"Sakura likes you. You like Sakura… where's the problem?" Naruto was making hand motions with his hands full of weapons—something that Sasuke might find a bit ironic were he not a shinobi.

"I do not 'like' Sakura." Sasuke said, ignoring the slight burning in his neck area.

"Aww. Sasu-chan! Are you blushing?"

Sasuke threw four shuriken at Naruto's head, who jumped away laughing.

"Don't make me Chidori your ass."

Naruto's smirk grew into a full-fledged smile.

"You wanna go all out, teme? Because I think we all remember what happened last time…"

Sasuke's Sharingan activated the moment he realized that Naruto disappeared.

"This time," Sasuke spun around when he heard Naruto's voice in his ear, "I won't stop you and Sakura-chan from playing _doctor_."

"Don't talk about Sakura like that." Sasuke said sternly, swiping his katana at Naruto.

Naruto laughed as he jumped backwards. "What are you gonna do about it, teme?"

Silence.

"Chidori!"

"Rasengan!"

XXXXX

The kunais she had thrown were a diversion, Neji would later come to find.

Adding as much chakra as she could, she threw the next set of kunai and some shuriken at him when she could tell he was stopping his kaiten.

Because even though he'd be able to see the incoming weapons, he wouldn't be able to react fast enough.

Sakura had seen Neji's whirl enough times to be able to figure out that there was a three-second interval between spins that left Neji wide open to attacks.

"Neji!" Sakura ran over to where he was lying on the ground. "Oh my Gosh, I didn't think that would work!"

"Yes you did." He said through grit teeth.

"Well—yeah, I guess, but I didn't think—" Her hands glowed green.

"No hospital." He said from his position on the ground, kunai and shuriken protruding from his arms, chest and legs.

Sakura resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Fine. Come to my apartment. It's sweltering out here anyway."

As she helped him up, he could have sworn he heard her utter, _me__n and their stupid pride._

"Don't you dare get blood on my carpet." She growled as they disappeared in a swirl of leaves.

XXXXX

After healing cuts, bruises, and broken bones, Sakura realized it was already seven-thirty.

"I've got to go. It's Thursday, which means it's 'Let's try and prove Sasuke's Sexuality' night." She rolled her eyes as she stood from the bed.

Neji raised a thin brow. "Do I dare ask?" He asked from his position propped against the pillows.

Sakura crossed her arms as she laughed softly. "It's the night where we try and prove whether or not Sasuke's gay, straight, bi or asexual." She shook her head slightly and muttered '_Naruto'._

She could see he was trying to keep a smile from his lips. "I see. Is 'good luck' the correct sentiment?"

"Last week we tried to prove he was bisexual. Didn't work. So tonight is _asexual_ night…. I think _Lord help you_ is the correct sentiment."

"Ah." He nodded slightly, still fighting a smile. "Lord help us all, then."

She laughed and walked over to her closet. "Get some sleep Neji. I'll be back late." After a few minutes of thumbing through her clothes, she pulled out a black piece of clothing.

Sakura went into the bathroom, emerging a few minutes later in a tight black dress that made her hair look even more exotic, if that were possible. It had a box neckline, ended mid-thigh, and looked to be made out of satin.

He thought saying '_that shows too much cleavage'_ wouldn't go over well, so he kept to himself.

"Something _wrong_, Neji?" She asked, throwing his previous words back at him when she bent over to retrieve a pair of black stilettos.

"Be careful." Was all he said, wondering when exactly he had become slightly protective of her.

She rolled her eyes. "Night, Neji." She said as she waked out the bedroom door, and truth be told, he was glad she was a friend.

It was unlike him to give people chances, but the day she had—literally—slapped sense into him about Tenten, he was grateful.

And if he thought he was protective of her, he knew he couldn't hold a candle to the protectiveness of Team 7.

She would be fine.

XXXXX

"ANOTHER!"

"Naruto!" Sakura slurred. "You've had way too much already!"

"Aw Sakura-chan! You always take the fun out of everything!" He crossed his arms and pouted like a child.

"Dobe." Sasuke muttered, rolling his eyes.

Luckily, Naruto didn't hear him. "Hey Sakura-chan! Want to know a secret?"

She beamed and nodded, scooting closer to Naruto and resting her chin on his shoulder.

"Tell me, tell me, tell me!"

"Sasuke thinks your pretty!" And he laughed, as if that were the funniest thing in the world.

Her head came off Naruto's shoulder so fast, her back cracked. Her eyes darted from Naruto to Sasuke, who was busy looking somewhere else, and back to Naruto again.

"What? When did he tell you that?" Her voice was loud and shrill, and Sasuke could see she was slightly panicking.

Why? Was the thought of him thinking she was attractive really that revolting?

"Oh, Sakura-chan. Blind as a bat _still_…" Kakashi said, chuckling quietly, his nose behind his usual orange book.

"Blind? What you mean, sensei?" She asked, tilting her head slightly to the side.

"You never notice that little Sasu-chan over here stares at you all the time? He seems to have quite a fascination with your legs and your—"

"Fuck off, one eye!" Sasuke turned around and yelled, the alcohol cracking his cold exterior.

"Children," he muttered, "no respect…"

Sakura abruptly stood up and bent forward to get a good look at her legs.

"You like my legs? Why? They look like regular old legs to me…"

Naruto burst into laughter at the sight of Sakura examining her legs with a drink in her hand, and Sasuke's eyes ran over the skin that was exposed as she bent over, before quickly looking away.

"Probably because he likes to imagine what they feel like around his waist as he's—"

"I swear to fucking God, Kakashi, one more word—"

"Sasuke!" Sakura said, putting a hand on his shoulder to coax him into sitting back down. "Don't be mean to Kakashi! He's old and fragile."

Kakashi looked affronted. "Old and fragile? How 'bout we go back to my place and I'll show you just how young and agile I really am."

Sakura laughed and blushed slightly, used to his playful flirting over the years. Sasuke and Naruto however, were not amused.

"What did you just say?"

Kakashi raised the book over his face to hide his exasperated expression. Had he taught them nothing? "Relax, Sasu-chan. She's still pure as the driven snow for you to—"

"What?" Sakura yelled indignantly. "I am most definitely _not_ pure as the driven snow!"

The bar grew quiet, and Sakura turned red as she realized what she said.

And to whom she said it.

"Er—I mean—" She took a few steps backwards, as though she was afraid her boys would explode.

"What?" They all said at the same time, Kakashi rising from his chair.

"You mean you're not a—" Naruto looked around making sure no one was eavesdropping. "—_virgin?_" He finished in a whisper.

"When did this happen?" Kakashi asked, sternness and anger visible in his eye.

Cold, emotionless, unfeeling, bastard Sasuke looked the most pissed out of the three.

He looked positively livid.

"Who?" Was all he said, and she could feel his deadly chakra begin to swirl angrily.

She backed up until her legs hit the chair she had been sitting on.

"Not that it's any of your business, but yes! I am indeed—" It was her turn to look around to make sure there were no listeners, "—_still_ a virgin."

Half-truths were always the way to go.

Naruto sagged in relief, and even though Kakashi still looked a bit angry, he sat back down.

Sasuke, however, continued to walk towards her until they were toe to toe.

"Are you lying?" He asked in a deadly whisper.

Sakura giggled, too drunk to be afraid to laugh in Sasuke's face.

"Why do you care so much, Sasuke?" She leaned forward a bit and smiled seductively. "Are you worried that I let someone other than you touch me?"

Because she was standing so close to him, Sakura saw his eyes widen slightly, before turning absolutely smoldering.

She swallowed.

He leaned down further until his lips ghosted over her own when he spoke, staring into her eyes.

"Not at all, _Sakura,_ I know that my name is the only one you'll ever moan."

He pulled back, satisfied with the blush that spread across her cheeks at the promise he just made.

Because he hadn't ever gone that far with her, but he just told her that one day… he would.

She sat back down and finished her drink in one gulp, watching Sasuke take his seat across from her.

A few minutes later when the room began to spin and things looked a bit fuzzy, Sakura decided to end 'Let's try and prove Sasuke's Sexuality' Night.

When he caught her gaze, she smiled.

_Mission 'Prove Sasuke's Sexuality'_: Complete

_Status_: Success

_Outcome_: Straight

XXXXX

"Um…actually, now's not a really good time." She giggled nervously when the four of them reached the steps of her apartment. They insisted on walking her home because she looked like "something that had walked straight out of every man's fantasy." Kakashi had said. She didn't know whether to take that as a compliment… or be a bit weirded out that her teacher thought she looked like walking sex.

"Sakura-chan, you don't want us in your apartment?" Naruto smiled widely as he nudged her slightly.

"Don't be ridiculous! Of course that's not the reason. I just—haven't cleaned in a while, so it's kind of…dirty." Inner Sakura giggled at the imagery that formed in her head at the word '_dirty_'.

"You know we've never minded a little disorganization," Kakashi said, but there was something in his tone that was a bit _dark_.

"I know," she began, her heart thumping uncomfortably, "but I'm doing some—er—painting. So, there's stuff all over the floor and—"

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto whined. "Your apartment is the closest and unless you want me to sleep in the street…"

They had arrived in front of her apartment already and she had tried to nonchalantly step in front of her door to keep them from entering.

Because if they did go in, they'd be _pissed_ that she had a 'guest'.

"Sakura-chan," she held back a shiver, Kakashi's tone was forced. He had probably figured this out, "if I didn't know better, I'd say that there is something you're hiding."

"Hiding?" She forced a laugh. "Why would I hide anything from you?" She scratched the back of her head nervously.

"Sakura." A deep voice said flatly.

"Yes, Sasuke?" _Shit._

"Why do I sense chakra coming from your apartment?"

"Well, um, actually—"

"Sakura." Another voice said, low and deadly. _This is going to be worse than I originally thought._ "Is there a—_man_—" Naruto scrunched his nose like it was the most awful thought imaginable, "—in your apartment?"

Her face turned red and she knew that would be a dead give away. She raised her hands in front of her, as though somehow trying to calm them down. "Okay, let's try and talk about this rationally—"

Sasuke didn't wait for her to finish when he took a step forward to stand right in front of her.

"Open the door," he said, leaving no room for argument.

"But first I need you to understand that this isn't what it looks like—"

Kakashi and Naruto each took steps forward, essentially blocking her in.

"Open the door," Sasuke ordered again.

"Just wait one second, let's talk about this first!" She was starting to get desperate. "He's not in any condition to be walking around because I kind of injured him while we were—" Sasuke's Sharingan activated, "—er—anyway, please just…don't kill him," she finished lamely.

They made no promises.

Groaning slightly, she turned her back on them to fetch the key from her bra. While she unlocked the door, she hoped that Neji was able to at least summon chakra… because he would need it.

The three of them were upstairs before she could take her hand off the knob.

_Boys,_ she thought, shaking her head. _Always jumping to conclusions…_

"Sakura!" She heard three voices bellow simultaneously from upstairs.

"Dear God—" She groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose as she closed the door behind her.

"Ah. Good evening," Neji's voice traveled down the stairs. "Sasuke, could you tell Sakura that I'm keeping her spot warm for her?"

"—please help me."

**OOOOO**

**Sometimes I just need something to make me laugh. **

**Hope you liked it!**

**Until next time. **


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